Thirty, flirty, and thriving.

Heehee, remember that title from Thirteen Going on Thirty? Love that movie.

So I thought I'd actually write about myself for a change.

I turned the big 3-0 last week! I used to wonder how I'd feel at thirty. It always seemed like no one was ever happy about turning 30 when I was a kid, and I thought as long as I was married and had a couple kids, I wouldn't be upset at turning 30.

Then I started growing up. I remember around 26 I realized what it really meant to be getting closer to thirty. It meant I was no longer just starting out. I no longer had my whole life in front of me, and plenty of time to do whatever I wanted. I took a college class when I was about 23 and had two kids, and at that time I totally fit in with all the college people. Nobody knew that I wasn't just a young pup like everyone else. At 26 I realized that probably wasn't true anymore. I offically looked (and probably acted, and definitely felt) older. I was forever past that phase.

A couple months ago it occured to me that I'm actually totally happy to be turning thirty! That was a cool moment. I was talking to my sister-in-law Julie at the time, and she said I was probably feeling good about it because I've lost so much weight. I've lost 50 pounds now! (Actually, 52 as of today ;)) And I think she was right. Not only do I have higher self esteem and more energy, but losing that much weight has actually made me feel successful. Like I've actually accomplished something that not everyone can do. That's a pretty cool feeling!

Of course, even without that I certainly wouldn't be bummed out turning thirty. I have a fabulous husband who I love about 100x more than I did when I married him, and 5 gorgeous healthy children. And a house, and friends, tons of fabulous people in my life, and awesome relationships with my amazing amazing family. Life is sweet! I'm a lucky girl.

(ps, now that I'm 30 shouldn't I be thinking of myself as a "woman"?)

It turns out that 30 also finds me at an interesting crossroads in my life.

We're done having kids. I never knew how cool it would feel to be at this point. First of all I always thought it would be really hard to decide to be done, that I'd always be wondering whether there was one more waiting to come. But it turned out to be a very clear decision for us, even though we had originally planned to have 7 or 8 kids.

Second, it always annoyed me to hear women emphatically announce, "this is our last one." or "oh yeah, we are done," because it seemed to be an insult to the kids they did have to be so glad to not be having more. Now I realize, it's actually a huge deal to know you're done. I feel like now it's time for a whole other part of my life. The part where I get to focus on just being a mom, instead of on being pregnant, wondering if I am pregnant, wondering when to get pregnant, etc etc etc. It's kind of like finishing a delicious meal. It's not that I didn't love it, but now I'm satisfied and looking forward to dessert.

One thing I'm looking forward to is going back to school. I'm probably going to do a class or two next year, when Missy's in kindergarten, and then start full time the year after that. I thought about doing a 2 year program to become something like a respiratory therapist, but then I remembered that I love going to school! So why rush it? I'd like to at least get a bachelor's, if not a master's. The jury's still out on what I'll actually BE though. Any ideas? My friend Noelle is a family therapist and thinks I'd really like it, and I think she might be right. I've also thought about being a social worker, a sign language interpreter, or some kind of medical technician.

In the mean time I'm trying to really make sure I enjoy the last few years of having little children. I'm loving spending the days with my 2 little ones right now. Missy and I are doing "home preschool" which is totally fun for both of us, and Mandie's totally getting to the age where she's ready to learn and play with her big sister.

Last of all, I just feel the need to point out that I am not flirty. I remember when I first knew Jason, we were at a ward devotional or something, sitting on the floor eating refreshments. My adorable roommate Jamie was like, "go flirt with him!" and I was like "no, wah, I'm too shy" (or something like that) and she goes, "just go sit by him, and put your hand on his knee when you tell him something, then leave it there . . . " She was such an expert. It would have been a good idea. I didn't do it. I did go talk to him though.